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Intros, Proverbs, Previews, Etc.
Jun. 21st, 2020 02:13 pm Intros:
Blood. That, that's all it says here: 'blood.' Huh.
✓Friend. Friend? Friend! Friend. Friend. Friend. F̊҉̣͙̞̻̝̯͓͔̕r͉̳͙͉̖̘̿͋͞iͨ̊͒͂ͯͪ͊̽̑҉̯̞͙̲ȩ͉̓ͪ̄ͫ̿ͫ̊̍͜n̢̻̰̙̻̗̥ͬ̉ͅdͩ̅̓́̈̒ͯͫ҉̤.̨̥̮̼̼̝͖̅͛͟
The sun will never die. The other sun will last much longer than that.
Love the light. Hate the stars. Fear the dark planet lit by no sun. Strex!
We take our warmth from devouring light, in a desert from which none shall return. We take all of our warmth from our Smiling God, and we can't even tell that we burn.
Everything is just awesome!!! *Long, vaguely disturbing pause.* Awesome . . .
Oh God, I'm so cold. So cold. The sun is out, and I am still so cold!
Please don't feed the lionbees. No matter how tasty you might be.
Remember, remember--what was it, now? I forget. Eh, probably wasn't important.
It's said that there are seven people in the world who share your face, and that they all live on the same street that you do. It must be confusing!
Intern Deaths:
Intern Kev has been executed for that stupid nickname. I'm sorry, but some things really are unforgivable and the nickname 'Kev' is one of them.
Admittedly, if he'd called himself Kevin he'd have probably been executed for willfully causing confusion and name-theft, so maybe he should've thought things through a bit more before he decided to become an intern.
Intern Johnathan slipped and hit his head in the station bathroom. This is odd, because he never had a head before.
Intern Joe died in a freak rain of boiling oil.
Intern Sandy melted into a puddle, as was her greatest and silliest fear. I mean, how unlikely is that? Wait, I guess it isn't that unlikely after all, is it? Oh well.
Intern Bob somehow drowned in his coffee cup.
Intern Rachel just sort of . . . blew apart in the breeze. Weird, huh?
Intern Tim was inexplicably devoured by a giant spider with a beautiful human face. No, not that one, the other one.
Intern Kathy won the station lottery--and was therefore promptly fed to tigers, as per tradition.
Proverbs:
Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction made it into something beautiful and terrible, with unexpectedly shiny organs and technicolor bodily fluids.
✓Technically, you catch more flies with vinegar than with honey. Oh well.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. The cat is in Witness Protection!
If you have your feet firmly on the ground, how are you wearing pants?
Always remember that three rights do make a left.
You complete me. Our minds are connected via telepathy and fraying wires. Also, we've been sewn together--hey, that's my arm you're using!
A horrific, be-tentacled, apple-like fruit a day keeps the psychiatric doctor hard at work.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. You are literally incapable of crying!
Drink the Strex-Aid, it's grape flavored!
Aww, you fell over!
If the shoe doesn't fit, why do you even have it?
If you love someone, kill them. If they come back, kill them again!
Previews:
And now for a bunch of people who hate each other playing wind instruments passive-aggressively!
Stay tuned for the endless dripping of blood on tiles!
Next up, bizarre screechings from Saturn!
Stay tuned for the screaming. So much screaming.
✓Up next; the end of the universe, translated into a tuba solo!
(Linked to itself) And now for something exactly the same!
Blood. That, that's all it says here: 'blood.' Huh.
✓Friend. Friend? Friend! Friend. Friend. Friend. F̊҉̣͙̞̻̝̯͓͔̕r͉̳͙͉̖̘̿͋͞iͨ̊͒͂ͯͪ͊̽̑҉̯̞͙̲ȩ͉̓ͪ̄ͫ̿ͫ̊̍͜n̢̻̰̙̻̗̥ͬ̉ͅdͩ̅̓́̈̒ͯͫ҉̤.̨̥̮̼̼̝͖̅͛͟
The sun will never die. The other sun will last much longer than that.
Love the light. Hate the stars. Fear the dark planet lit by no sun. Strex!
We take our warmth from devouring light, in a desert from which none shall return. We take all of our warmth from our Smiling God, and we can't even tell that we burn.
Everything is just awesome!!! *Long, vaguely disturbing pause.* Awesome . . .
Oh God, I'm so cold. So cold. The sun is out, and I am still so cold!
Please don't feed the lionbees. No matter how tasty you might be.
Remember, remember--what was it, now? I forget. Eh, probably wasn't important.
It's said that there are seven people in the world who share your face, and that they all live on the same street that you do. It must be confusing!
Intern Deaths:
Intern Kev has been executed for that stupid nickname. I'm sorry, but some things really are unforgivable and the nickname 'Kev' is one of them.
Admittedly, if he'd called himself Kevin he'd have probably been executed for willfully causing confusion and name-theft, so maybe he should've thought things through a bit more before he decided to become an intern.
Intern Johnathan slipped and hit his head in the station bathroom. This is odd, because he never had a head before.
Intern Joe died in a freak rain of boiling oil.
Intern Sandy melted into a puddle, as was her greatest and silliest fear. I mean, how unlikely is that? Wait, I guess it isn't that unlikely after all, is it? Oh well.
Intern Bob somehow drowned in his coffee cup.
Intern Rachel just sort of . . . blew apart in the breeze. Weird, huh?
Intern Tim was inexplicably devoured by a giant spider with a beautiful human face. No, not that one, the other one.
Intern Kathy won the station lottery--and was therefore promptly fed to tigers, as per tradition.
Proverbs:
Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction made it into something beautiful and terrible, with unexpectedly shiny organs and technicolor bodily fluids.
✓Technically, you catch more flies with vinegar than with honey. Oh well.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. The cat is in Witness Protection!
If you have your feet firmly on the ground, how are you wearing pants?
Always remember that three rights do make a left.
You complete me. Our minds are connected via telepathy and fraying wires. Also, we've been sewn together--hey, that's my arm you're using!
A horrific, be-tentacled, apple-like fruit a day keeps the psychiatric doctor hard at work.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. You are literally incapable of crying!
Drink the Strex-Aid, it's grape flavored!
Aww, you fell over!
If the shoe doesn't fit, why do you even have it?
If you love someone, kill them. If they come back, kill them again!
Previews:
And now for a bunch of people who hate each other playing wind instruments passive-aggressively!
Stay tuned for the endless dripping of blood on tiles!
Next up, bizarre screechings from Saturn!
Stay tuned for the screaming. So much screaming.
✓Up next; the end of the universe, translated into a tuba solo!
(Linked to itself) And now for something exactly the same!
