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Headcanons
Apr. 28th, 2033 04:45 pm- Strex provides Sunny Happy Pills™ to keep employees cheerful. If they don't take the pills, bad things happen . . .
- Kevin's three eyes were replaced with solidified void by Strex, and the third was stitched shut. He now has trouble remote-viewing unapproved things.
- No one in Desert Bluffs has clear memories from Before Strex.
- While Cecil has tentacles, Kevin has large, spiderlike legs growing from his back--or from each other, if he needs a lot of them. This is completely normal, and he was born with them. Strex makes him hide them at all times, so they get nasty cramps.
- Until Strex arrived, Desert Bluffs was actually much safer than Night Vale. Still weird, yes, but otherwise alright.
- Kevin used to have a spouse. Thanks to Strex, Kevin killed said spouse and then forgot all about their relationship. (It may have been a scientist. Or Vanessa. Or just some random unfortunate.)
- Vanessa was killed once the takeover was complete, because she was genuinely kind and friendly towards Kevin, and it was 'holding him back.' When Kevin says "most of us never woke up again" he's referring to being brainwashed
- It has always rained blood in Desert Bluffs, but that used to be the only reason that everything was bloody.
- Kevin has Loyalty And Happiness Implants™ that give him mild shocks if he stops smiling.
- If and when Kevin is convinced that Strex is bad, he will have a nasty breakdown, then be just as happily eager to destroy the whole thing from within.
- Kevin is the best fighter in Strex, although he probably doesn't know it, and he carries a knife that is supernaturally sharp.
- StrexCorp workers get a single semi-random Work-Minimal Relaxation Day per month, for which they are not paid.
- The real reason Kevin hates Lauren Mallard is that she was one of the first collaborators with StrexCorp. He no longer realizes that's the reason, though, so she just generally gets on his nerves now.
- Kevin insists on wearing orange and yellow outfits, no matter how badly they clash with his, well, everything.
- Kevin's teeth are jagged and dangerously sharp, and if need be he can bite people to death. He doesn't realize that this is strange.
- As the Voice of his people, Kevin was the last holdout against Strex. The last few days he was free were nightmarish, and in a way it's better that he eventually gave in.
- Not everyone in the Bluffs is quite as brainwashed as Kevin. The ones who still have some memory of their reasons for fighting back are very kind to Kevin, because he was their Voice.
- Kevin has tattoos to remind him that he hates Strex. Sadly, they're written in a strange abhuman language that he no longer remembers how to pronounce, much less understand. (He also has spiderwebs tattooed on his elbows, but those are just tattoos. Probably.)
- A severance package from StrexCorp involves beheading. Termination involves Terminators.
- The owner of the Desert Bluffs bookshop is an Ardelia Lortz. The store's slogan is 'We are not, we have never been--and we will never be forgotten,' written in Vowel-Only Linear-B. There is no library in Desert Bluffs.
- The Bluffs have a Sunshine Day-Lite Diner, a Desert Morning Arcade Fun Center, a StrexPet Park, etc.
- Kevin is capable of staring directly into the sun, and always does so when praying.
- Kevin drinks Black Blood of the Earth by the quart
- It was Kevin who painted those spiraling orange triangles in the gorge in WALK. Or perhaps he hasn't done it yet . . .
- Kevin's awareness that he was a rebel washes in and out like the tide.
- Samantha King is the president of Desert Bluffs Business College, and she is a chunk of pahoehoe. Grandma Josephine befriends demons. Etc.
- Animals are not allowed in the local park, which is why it is frequented only by cactae, dryads and ents.
- Strex changed history at some point so that the people of the Bluffs always worshiped a Smiling God.
- Kevin is a Gemini
